Having a teenager in your home can be a rewarding time. You are no longer changing diapers, cutting their grapes, or teaching them to read, but there is still much to teach these expanding minds. Even though it seems like they be always ready to argue their points, in reality, they are developing their identities, and they are finally able to think on their own. Their minds are not fully developed, though, and they must have the guidance from their Christian parents to be intentionally discipled in the Lord during this stage. Discipling Your Teen can be an exciting experience. They can grow in their faith, understand new and complex ideas, debate the Scriptures with their peers, and come to you with questions. These can be rich times, if we foster it. Intentional discipleship of your teens must be a priority in your home. Follow these steps as a beginner’s guide to get you started.
What should you teach to begin discipling your teen?
- Teach your teen about God the Father, the Son (Jesus), and the Holy Spirit, also called the Trinity.
- Teach them that Prayer is our privilege and power.
- Teach your teen about sin, the payment for sin, the consequences of sin, and how he/she can accept Jesus as Savior.
- Teach your teen God gave us family and friends as a gift for us to care for.
- Teach them that their self-worth and identity come from Christ alone and not what others think.
- Teach your teen to take responsibility for their choices.
- Teach your teen what integrity looks like: being the same person in public life and private life.
- Teach them that their time, treasures, and talents are from the Lord to be stewarded for Him.
How should you teach these things in order to be discipling your teen?
1. Spend regular time with the parent of the same gender.
Your teenager needs to have intentional time with you as his/her parent, but this is especially true for fathers with sons and mothers with daughters. Spend regular time together, getting to know each other, talking about real things, imparting wisdom, having fun, and building a bridge of trust. As a mom of teenage girls, I want them to come to me always, but especially when they are happy, sad, frustrated, discouraged, excited, etc. I don’t want to have a barrier between us. That means that I must spend time with them… doing things that will create a bond, friendship, and memories. I also need to apologize when I get frustrated with them and make the effort to keep our communication lines open. To help you create good discussion with your teens, check out The Donut Date Journal. This is a fabulous resource my husband has used with all of our children.
2. Use Biblical Tools — a concordance, a Bible dictionary, Biblical maps, and commentaries.
Teens are at the perfect age to use Bible tools. These tools may see a bit intimidating, but they really aren’t. They are quite simple to use and give great insights to what you are studying in the Bible. Whether you find some at a library, borrow them from a pastor, or use online versions, these tools will help you and your teen to dig deep into the Scriptures. They also may really enjoy the deep dive into things that they knew as a child but now need proof for themselves. The goal is to teach them to use the tools so they will be able to discover things from the Scriptures on their own when they are not under your direct teaching. Yes, they can google the Biblical questions that they have, but the answers that they may find aren’t always from reliable sources. Learning to study on their own and then compare their findings to solid Biblical publications is better.
3. Read a chapter in The Psalms or a Proverb per day.
To encourage your teen to know more about the Bible and God Himself, invite them to read a chapter in Psalms or Proverbs each day. This is a task that may only take 5-10 minutes, but it can have a big impact. These chapters will teach them how to handle their money, how to build lasting relationships, what a Godly woman looks like, what the real meaning of life is, and more. This simple exercise could develop into a habit of Bible reading which could transform their lives! Find a tracker for reading a chapter of Psalms per day HERE or of Proverbs per day HERE.
4. Make it a goal to read through the Old Testament or the New Testament or the whole Bible in a year.
Challenge your teen to get into the Word of God more by giving them a goal: read the Old Testament, New Testament, or the whole Bible through in one year. Trust me… it can be done! My 15-year-old nephew actually completed reading the whole Bible in three months! Now that is dedication! This can be a special challenge that you could do alongside your teen. You each could print a reading plan and have weekly check ins to see how you are progressing and talk about what interesting things you read or what God has been showing you through this experience. It really only takes 3-4 chapters a day to read the whole Bible in a year. That satisfaction and growth are well worth it. What a great way to be discipling your teen!
Use a Reading Plan like THIS ONE to track reading the NT and Psalms or THIS ONE to track reading the whole Bible.
5. Memorize larger passages of the Bible — several verses, a whole chapter.
It is truly amazing to me how my teens (and my husband) can memorize movie lines, lyrics from songs, and comedy sketches. They will quote them at any time and any place! Why not harness that incredible brain power to memorize Bible verses. When the children were little, it was easy for all of us to memorize a verse here or there, but now that they are teens, we can memorize several verses at a time — even up to a whole chapter. Hiding these longer passages in our hearts is invaluable! It can be a powerful way to remember God’s Truths and fight the temptations of the enemy.
Pick passages which are foundational and meaningful to your teen. For example:
Psalm 1, Psalm 23, Proverbs 31: 10-31, Isaiah 53, Matthew 5:1-16, John 15:1-17, Galatians 5:22-26, Ephesians 2:1-10, Ephesians 6:1-18, and SO MANY more!
If you need tips to memorize Bible verses, read this article to discover 10 tips to memorize more Scripture!
6. Upgrade their Bible to an Adventure Bible or a Teen’s Study Bible or an adult Study Bible.
Now that your child is a little older, you may need a new Bible for this new season of discipling your teen. It is time for them to graduate from their child Bible to one that is more fitting for this time in their life. I remember when my husband went to Bible college, he still had his Adventure Bible — the colorful Bible with cartoon illustrations and thoughts for teens. It was a teen Bible, but he needed to go to a more mature study Bible. The same is true for your teens. It may also be a good time to update the version that they are using. While the NIRV (New International Readers Version) was great for my children to understand when they were 8-12, we updated their version to be the English Standard Version (ESV). The study Bible they have now will be one that they will most likely have into their twenties and thirties, if they take care of it.
A study Bible or Teen’s Bible will give them aids and thoughts in the margins. These can be helpful and interesting for them. They may add needed context for the geography of the region or add cultural relevance to the story. A new Bible may also help your teen feel more grown up and encourage them to own their faith in a way that they haven’t before.
7. Begin providing a devotional book to read each day.
Teens need to have many voices speaking Truth to them throughout their middle school and high school years. Coach, teachers, youth leaders, and pastors can have a tremendous impact on their view of God, view of themselves, and a view of the world. By giving them a devotional book to read each day, they will have another wise voice telling them the Truth. Pick one on a topic that relates to your teen or from an author that they admire. Some boys that I know like the books that Tim Tebow offers because they love the sport analogies. There are many to choose from on Amazon and Christian Book.com that your teens would benefit from. Some parents have also enjoyed subscribing their teen to an email devotional that arrives each morning.
8. Create boundaries for all media use.
Are your teens on their phones all day and night? It is imperative that parents create boundaries for their teens for their media use. Carefully evaluate what your teen needs to use their devices for and regulate what they can use, where they can use it, and when they can use it. For example, we don’t allow our children of any age to have televisions in their bedrooms. We don’t have one either. They also have to use the computer mostly in the common areas of the house, unless they are working on something when it is really noisy. We don’t let our teens take their phones into their rooms overnight. They must keep them on the table overnight. Phones aren’t used at the dinner table as well. It is a media-free zone.
Develop boundaries for media with your teens — preferably before they have phones and tablets, and computers. It is hard to implement new boundaries without creating a lot of heartache, but it can be done. There are many resources to help you and your teenager see the detriment that electronics can be. Check out Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt. The tagline for the book is “How the Great Rewiring of Childhood is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness”.
9. Take a financial course.
We expect that schools will teach our kids about how to take care of money, but that really isn’t the case these days. Most of what teens need to know about finances needs to come from home and the Bible. We have used materials from Ramsey Solutions (Dave Ramsey’s materials) for our preteens and teens and have had great success with them. We believe that the principles that are taught align well with what the Bible teaches. These courses are incorporated right into our homeschool day, but you could also teach them once a week in an evening with your kids. They generate a lot of great discussion about personal money matters as well as national money matters. Find out more about Ramsey Solutions offerings HERE.
10. Read Christian books.
Your teen may think that they don’t have time to read, especially to read Christian books. But Christian books can be a springboard for great discussion on spiritual things and can open their eyes to see things about God that they have never seen before. Many of you may have read The Chronicles of Narnia to your children when they were young, but reading them as a teen or adult is vastly different as you see themes and characters from a new perspective. Our children have loved a series by Priscilla Shirer called The Prince Warrior Series. It made them think about the unseen spiritual world, talk about them with us as the parents, and then look into what the Scriptures said about this. It was fascinating to them!
Reading Christian literature can change their perspective about the Bible, God, and the spiritual world. Here are a few Christian books to research for your own teens:
- The Chronicles of Narnia (By CS Lewis)
- The Prince Warrior Series (By Priscilla Shirer)
- The Shack (by William P. Young)
- And They Found Dragons By Ted Dekker
- A Sneaky Inc. Spy Adventure (by Rob Baddorf)
- The Noland Kid Adventure Series (by Mike Curtis)
In Conclusion
While all of these endeavors are aimed at creating a teen who will love the Lord and His Word and have a vibrant spiritual life, it is not a guarantee. Some parents who have seemingly done all of the right things, have teens who decide not to follow Jesus. It is heart-breaking. It is their choice, though. Pick steps from above that you would like to implement with your teen, but the most important step is prayer. Pray for them daily or even hourly. Pray for their friends and the decisions that will make. Prayer is the glue that makes the discipleship last in the life of your teen.
Has this been helpful? Share with us in the comments below the tips that you have tried when discipling your teen. Find out how to disciple your children at other age levels HERE. You can also read our articles on becoming a Biblically Minded Family HERE.
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