When our children hit the age of ten, suddenly they started feeling grown up to me. We realized we only had 8 more years with them under our roof. This made us think about all of the things that we still wished to instill in them. Intentionally discipling your preteen, ages 10-13, should be near the top of your list, too, and I am here to help. Follow along for a framework of what to teach and how to teach your preteen to get you started in shaping your preteen’s life.
WHAT SHOULD WE TEACH TO DISCIPLE A PRETEEN AGES 10-13 YEARS OLD?
1. TEACH YOUR PRETEEN ABOUT GOD THE FATHER, SON (JESUS) AND HOLY SPIRIT.
God the Father, God the Son (Jesus) and God the Holy Spirit are just one God in three persons. It is referred to as the Trinity in Christian circles. While the word Trinity does not appear in the Bible, there are many places that refer to God being one in three persons, like in the Creation account of Genesis. God says, “Let us make man in our image.” This shows that the Godhead is more than just one person. God is the all-powerful, all knowing, and ever-present Creator God. He is sovereignly in control of all things in the past, present and in the future. (Genesis 1:1, Exodus 3:14, Psalm 19, Isaiah 43, John 1, Romans 8:14-15, Galatians 4:6, I John 5:7)
2. TEACH THEM THAT PRAYER IS OUR PRIVILEGE AND POWER.
Prayer is a privilege for us as believers. Jesus longs to hear us talk to Him and to bring everything to Him in prayer, whether it is big or small. Being prayerful during the day helps us stay close to God and away from sin that can easily tempt all believers. Prayer is also our power and weapon that helps us defeat Satan and his army. When we pray, we also take time to listen to what God is telling us. (I Thessalonians 5:17, Philippians 4:6, James 5:16, I John 5:14-15)
3. TEACH YOUR PRETEEN ABOUT SIN, THE PAYMENT FOR SIN, AND HOW HE/SHE CAN ACCEPT JESUS AS SAVIOR.
Children can easily point out sin all around them — from things they see on TV to people they see on the streets to even peers on the ballfield. Therefore, they need to be taught about what their sin cost Jesus on the cross. Knowing the extreme payment that Jesus gave on the cross keeps us from sinning more. If your preteen has never accepted Jesus as his/her Savior, use The Bridge Illustration as a simple way of explaining salvation. (Genesis 1:26-30, Psalm 1, Romans 1-5, Ephesians 2:1-22, Colossians 1:21-22)
4. TEACH THEM THAT GOD GAVE US A SPECIAL BOOK, THE BIBLE.
The Bible is God’s love letter to us. We need to read it, care for it, and study it daily so we can learn more about God and His character. Memorizing the Bible needs to be a habit for Christians. God gave us His Word so we can know how to live a life that is pleasing to Him. In it we find wisdom for all of life, and God speaks to us through its pages. (Psalm 119, Proverbs 1, 2 Timothy 3:16)
5. TEACH THEM THAT GOD GAVE US PARENTS AND PUT US IN A FAMILY.
The father is the head of the family, the mother is the helper, and the children are under her care. It is through the family that we learn to love each other and learn to obey God and our parents. The family is a special God-ordained unit that helps us know more about the Godhead and the relationships between God and us. (Psalm 127:3-5, Colossians 3:18-20, I Timothy 3:4-5, Ephesians 6:1-4, Genesis 18:19, Proverbs 22:6, Joshua 24:15, Psalm 133:1)
6. TEACH YOUR PRETEEN GOD GAVE US FRIENDS AS A GIFT FOR US TO CARE FOR.
We must love them, share with them, and be generous to them. Getting along with peers can be a challenge. Teaching your children that friends are a gift from God can be rewarding and valuable to them for life. During this time in their lives, friends may have more influence than family. Teaching your preteens about how to find good friends and which qualities to look for is a great way to disciple your preteen. (Proverbs 13:20, 17:17, 27:9, Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, I Thessalonians 5:11, I Corinthians 15:33,
7. TEACH THEM THAT GOD DESIRES US TO BE GOOD STEWARDS OF OUR MONEY.
Money is one of the top subjects that Jesus teaches about in the Scriptures. Consequently, how we use money can be an indication of the condition of our hearts. Parents should be the primary instructor on how to use money by demonstrating and teaching about giving, saving, and spending. (Matthew 6:21-24, I Timothy 6:10, Malachai 3:10, Proverbs 10:4, Hebrews 13:5)
8. TEACH THEM THAT OUR TIME SHOULD BE MANAGED.
In today’s society preteens are being pressured to be on all forms of media during all free seconds of the day. Managing time and media’s influence on your children must be a priority since without your reins it would get out of control quickly. (Ephesians 5:15-17, Psalms 90:12, Colossians 4:5, Proverbs 27:1, Matthew 6:33)
9. TEACH YOUR PRETEEN THAT THEIR SELF-WORTH COMES FROM CHRIST.
The pressure is all around your preteen to look and act a certain way to be accepted by their peers. This can often lead to them finding their self-worth in what their friends think of them, but this is should not be the case for a Biblically-Minded family. For everyone in the family, self-worth comes from our indentity in Christ and not external pressures. God’s voice should be the loudest influence in our lives. (2 Corinthians 5:17, 1 Peter 2:9, Ephesians 2:10, Galatians 2:20, Jeremiah 1:5, I John 3:1-2)
HOW SHOULD WE TEACH THESE THINGS IN ORDER TO DISCIPLE A CHILD AGES 10-13 YEAR OLD?
1. Spend regular time with the parent of the same gender.
In this day and age when these children are trying to discover who they are and what they believe, a Biblically-minded parent should aim to be one of the most influencial forces in their preteen’s life. They are bombarded with many outside forces trying to influence them, but you can be this positive voice by making intentional time to be with them — whether inside or outside the home. Your interest in their lives and time spent with them will speak volumes to them.
Through this intentional time out for lunch, for a walk on a hiking trail, or for a coffee, you can discover what is most meaningful to them, making it easier for them to see you as a valuable mentor with unconditional love. I believe it is important for you to spend more time with the preteens who are your same gender. Being able to relate to feelings and issues that come your personal experiences will help to further your bond together. This is also a good way to teach about Bibical Manhood and Womanhood and who they are in Christ.
2. Use Biblical Tools — a concordance, a Bible dictionary, Biblical maps, and commentaries.
We all desire for our kids to come to us when they have questions about the Bible, but do your preteens know how to look for answers themselves? Begin teaching them the reasons to use Biblical tools like a concordance, Bible dictionary, and commentaries. These are not always too expensive to have at home for their reference, but there are many place online that can also look for help. Show them the ones that you recommend — since there are many that are NOT what we believe as well.
Look for these resources like this one online:
3. Read a chapter in Psalm or Proverb per day.
An easy way to challenge your preteen to get into the Word each day is to give them the Proverbs Challenge or the Psalms Challenge. Ask them to read one chapter in the book of Psalms or Proverbs each day beginning on the first day of the month with the first chapter. It will only take a few minutes to read, but the benefits can be much more than that. As they read, they can write a verse that stood out to them or one that God impressed on their hearts during the reading. Consider giving them a chart or a blank calendar to keep track of all 30 or 31 days. Click here for a simple Proverbs chart or here for a simple Psalms chart to use. Making the habit of daily Bible time can tranform lives.
4. Make it a goal to read through the OT or the NT in a year.
Do you have a really ambitious preteen? Challenge them to read through the whole Old Testament or New Testament in one year! What a huge challenge that is! Encourage them by taking the challenge with them — discussing when you are going to read each day and how far you have progressed. This is a fabulous way to connect spiritually with your preteen. Reading the Bible through in a year isn’t something that a lot of Christians have done, so this will be a very special accomplishment for your preteen.
5. Memorize larger passages of the Bible — several verses, a whole chapter
“Thy Word have I hidden in my heart that I might not sin against you.” (Psalm 119:10) In a world where kids are faced with media all around them, there is nothing better than making sure their minds are filled with the Word of God, instead of mindless music, video games, social media and more. They can graduate from small memory verses to larger more complex verses that contain doctrine. Passages from the book of Romans or Paul’s epistles will fill their minds with necessary Truth for life in the teen years and beyond.
Suggestions: Psalm 23, Luke 2, Psalm 1, Ephesians 6:1-20, Philippians 4:4-9, Matthew 5:1-16, Psalm 8
6. Upgrade their Bible to an Adventure Bible or a Teen’s Study Bible
If your preteen still has a child’s Bible, it is time to think about upgrading their Bible to fit their needs and reading abilities. We made sure that they had either an Adventure Bible or a Teen Study Bible, depending on what their needs and desires were. The Adventure Bible has colorful pages with additional facts for kids as well as devotional thoughts for their age group. The leather bound editions or hard covers can be attractive as well.
A Teen Study Bible can be used for your kids in this age group as well, even though it is intended for teens. Usually these do not have as many colorful pages, but they have intersting facts. They answer questions which are important to teens, and some may even have additional resources like a concordance or short commentary on select verses.
7. Begin providing a devotional book to read each day.
Are you looking for a way to elevate your preteen’s spiritual life? Try giving them a devotional book. There are many to choose from — some endorsed by a Christian celebrity or sports star, others have themes like fishing, fashion, sports, cooking which will appeal to students with a variety of interests. You may even want to pick one which covers topics they are working through personally. These devotionals (with only a page for your preteen to read) can give them a different perspective in just a short time… something very appealing to these children. The one below is made with discipling your preteen ages 10-13 in mind!
8. Create boundaries for all media use.
When our family moved back to the USA from overseas, one of the things that our children noticed right away was the number of children their own ages with personal phones — with unlimted internet access. Some children as young as 6-7 years old had nicer phones that several adults that we know! Creating boundaries for media and social media allows you to be the gatekeeper of your home. If left unchecked, your preteens will get sucked into the web of the internet, social media gossip, endless videos, and all other forms of filth. What exact limits should you use? That will vary from family to family or even child to child, but you will need to ask the Lord for wisdom to create boundaries for your family members.
Check out Focus on the Family for many helpful articles to guide you as you create boundaries for your family in their internet, social media, and cell phone usage.
Overall, the journey to disciple your preteen is hard but very rewarding. If you keep in mind the areas to teach and start implementing a few of the ways to teach, you will be steps closer to helping your preteen develop a solid foundation in their faith.
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