Comparison is the thief of joy. When we look at other’s possessions and positions and think badly of them because of those things, we are jealous. We are comparing ourselves to them and in turn we are robbing ourselves of the joy that we have today. Stop looking at others. Start focusing on what God has given you today to create the joy that He desires you to have.

The Comparison Trap

Since living back in the US after living in Africa, we have seen new things every day. There are new adventures all around us. Most recently, our boys have been interested in vehicles that they see on the streets, highways, driveways, or in lots. They try to identify the make and model and comment about what kinds they’d like when they start driving. I think our whole family agrees that having a Jeep would be a really fun vehicle! But we aren’t sure that it would be the best for one of our new drivers!

This is just a fun game that our boys like to play, but it could become dangerous for their hearts if we let it. Instead of merely admiring and identifying the vehicles, they might begin to desire them or wish. They might even wish that person didn’t have it so we could. They might compare what God has given us and complain that we don’t have more, like someone else does.

While I don’t believe that our boys have a heart issue yet, I will be guarding against this. Comparison will rob them (and all of us) of the simple joys that we DO have. They will make us dissatisfied with what we already have — and we have a lot! When we compare ourselves (our accomplishments, our possessions, or our positions) with others, we are either demoting what we have been given by our gracious Father or not being thankful for our abundant blessings. Discontentment believes that God isn’t fair. God should be working on my timetable and giving me what I want. Be careful of that snare!

“Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.’” – Hebrews 13:5

Here are some steps to battle the comparison trap:

1. Recognize that you have a problem in your heart.

First of all, identify that you have a problem. You have been guilty of comparison which has been a thief of your joy. It is an easy trap, really. We can all get sucked into it as we are parking our minivan, scrolling on Facebook, watching TV, singing in church, or flipping through magazines. Call the problem what it is — Jealousy. Ask God for forgiveness. He is “faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (I John 1:9). Turn your eyes to Jesus and the gifts He has already given you and be content.

Satan wants to distract us from the work that God has set before us. He wants to pull us away from our God, our children, our husbands, our homes, our health, our friends, and more. His plan for us is ultimately our destruction, and He is using comparison to tear us from our homes and looking elsewhere. Realize that you have a problem and deal with it. Don’t let Satan win.

2. Turn off Facebook, Instagram, etc. or put controls in place.

Times are different now. There has never been a time where you have constant contact with people around the world in real time. When my mom was my age, she had a few friends that made plans to get the families together for fun times together and then they saw each other at church. They might also call each other once throughout the week.

But now, we have friends throughout the world. On Facebook, I have friends on almost every continent. I could spend hours keeping up with everyone and updating my status as well, but as I scroll through the pictures and text, I feel discontentment rise within me. One friend just redesigned her dream kitchen, another one is on a once-in-a-lifetime vacation, while another has perfectly dressed children and she and her husband are still madly in love after 15 years! Why can’t my life be like that? What’s wrong with me? How can I get that kind of life?

It is easy for us to get sucked into the trap of comparison as we see the perfectly designed posts that people post on social media. But that isn’t real life, is it? Our ordinary lives look dull compared to the extravagance that others display. Do they post about the piles of laundry? Do they show you when their van breaks down in a downpour? They might if things get really extreme. Keep your eyes on yourself, your home, and your children and let God work in your heart to be content in His blessings.

3. Surround yourself with like-minded people who will encourage you.

Choosing your friends wisely is something that we talk to our children about, but it also something that we need to think about as adults. Who are we really friends with? Are they encouraging you to live for the Lord? Godly friends will point you to Jesus instead of trapping you in the discontentment snare. When I have surrounded myself with Godly sisters in the Lord, I have found that I do compare myself to others. But this time in a good way. I want to be like them. I want to have their faith, their knowledge of the Word of God, their spiritual disciplines, and their wisdom. Now, THIS is the kind of comparison that we all need in our lives.

4. Have accountability.

Ask a friend to help you. If you are constantly being sucked into the comparison trap, a godly mature friend can you keep your eyes on your own family and your own home instead of wandering. They can also encourage you in your faith and pray for you to have satisfaction in God and His Word, cherishing the gifts that God has already provided. They can even help you by monitoring your social media time.

5. Intentionally replace your unproductive habits and thoughts with productive ones.

Instead of mindlessly scrolling through social media or magazines that keep you feeling discontented, fill your time with things that will be productive for yourself and your family. The time that you have wasted on Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest cannot be brought back to you, but you can change those habits to become productive and love the world that you have built around you.

Rekindle your love for crafts.

Bring out your sewing machine that has collected dust in the closet. Find those crochet hooks and yarn that you always meant to use to make a blanket for your living room couch. When was the last time you made a project with your Cricut machine? When you start making things again, you will find happiness that comes with being creative and working with your hands. (And your children need to see you doing this… and teaching them!)

Learn new kitchen skills.

Make homemade bread. Learn how to can salsa. Do you know how to meal plan? Take out your favorite cookbook and make a new recipe for dinner this week. Taking pride in your kitchen (some call it the heart of the home) will help you to get back on track. You will find satisfaction and pleasure in the creations that you make for the people you love.

Keep a thankfulness journal.

Back when I was in high school, a friend had a happy book. She wrote down all the things that made her happy – from the first tulips pushing up into fresh snow to her friends greeting her at school in the parking lot. We need to do the same. Combat discontentment with being thankful. Write down the blessings from God and rehearse them. Remind yourself daily of the goodness of God. If nothing else, He has given you salvation and that should give us a reason for joy!

Make real connections with your husband and children.

Instead of scrolling on your phone or watching something on TV, play games together, talk about what’s going on at school, make memories by going on a hike, eating a special dessert, or sharing favorite memories from childhood. Intentionally break away from screens to have face to face real conversations and touch points with those you love the most.

Read!

Read for entertainment or read for learning! Find good books at your local library or order some online. Read to your children or read by yourself. Each has its own benefits to you and your life. I have a list HERE with lots of good books for your children and yourself, or you could go to Read Aloud Revival’s website to see lots of good books for your whole family.

Volunteer

An easy way to stop the focus on what you don’t have is to focus on others. Volunteer at your local Boys and Girls Club, start an afterschool Good News Club, visit the lonely in a Nursing Home, or play with dogs who are waiting for adoption. I’m sure your local church would also have ways that you can serve during the week or on Sunday mornings. Go on a missions trip and serve! When you see how the rest of the world lives, you will be amazed how thankful your heart becomes.

Memorize Scripture

One of the most powerful things that we can do to combat any struggle that we have is to memorize the Word of God. The Bible is powerful and sharper than any double-edged sword. When we know what the Bible says about our situation, we have power over it. Replace the negative thoughts that you have about your situation with God’s Word. Let that be the soundtrack that you dwell on so the comparison will melt away. Try these verses: Hebrews 13:5, Matthew 6:25-26, I Timothy 6:10-11, Luke 12:15.

Final thoughts

In conclusion, be careful that you don’t put yourself into a comparison trap. Stay in your own lane with your own people. Keep your eyes and your heart focused on what the Lord has already provided for you. Be thankful. Make the words to the hymn Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus your anthem today:

(BONUS THOUGHT: Don’t compare your children. Each is an amazing individual created in the image of God. He is gifted, smart, beautiful, and creative. Love him for who he is without comparing him to his brother or sister. That will only make headaches for your whole family.)

How has comparison been a thief of your joy? What have you done to guard against that happening in the future? Comment below to benefit our whole community.

Looking for more ways to be a Biblically-Minded Family? Read about our top eight characteristics of a Biblically Minded Family here or search for ways to disciple your children by specific age groups here.