Ask Sarah: How Do You Keep Your Kids Quiet in Church?

I have always felt that our kids have been on display during church services. Being a pastor’s family, eyes have been on us to set an example in many areas. I felt pressure to keep our kids quiet during church services so they wouldn’t be a distraction. Over the years we have been in congregations where the whole family stays together for the whole service, where the children leave partway through the service for a message that was age appropriate, or where children didn’t even enter the worship center with the adults. Throughout the years, I have made an extensive list of principles and activities to keep our kids occupied during the teaching time.

Principles for Keeping Your Kids Quiet During Church Services

1. Be realistic in your expectations.

While I have thought my children were a distraction in worship services, in reality they were more of a blessing to the people around them. Our friends and family enjoyed seeing them in the services and watching them participate in worship during the songs and testimony times. I thought that my children had to be perfectly quiet and still, but the people around me have always been gracious. They recognized that they were children who needed to wiggle, who would laugh at something funny, who would clumsily drop their pencil for the third time in a minute, and who would occasionally argue with his brother.

I set my expectations based on their ages. I knew that they were never going to be perfectly still during the sermon. That is not how God made them. But they could be still with an activity or a book for 10-15 minutes. I knew some of my children would struggle with being quiet, so I made sure that they knew how to whisper when they really needed my attention.

We didn’t choose to sit near the front of the Worship Center but intentionally picked a place near the middle to limit the distraction that we could be. Most of the church services that we have been a part of have only had 30ish minutes of the sermon. While that may seem like a long time, you CAN get your children to participate in the beginning of the service and then listen and be still for the second part of the service.

2. Rehearse your expectations.

Throughout the week, I made sure that my children knew what the expectations were for them during the church service. We rehearsed what I wanted them to do. Using the couch as the chairs or pews in our church, we sat down and used our quiet activities. I set a timer to see how long we could be still. We talked about how our wiggles could make the people around us look at us instead of listening to the pastor talk about the Bible.

When we first started rehearsing these things, I challenged them to sit for 5 minutes or less, but as they learned self-control, the time grew. Our children were able to occupy themselves in a way that we desired for 20 minutes or more.

3. List your expectations. Here are some that we have had for our family:

*Children must use the bathroom before the service and may not leave during the service.

*They must sit still, not moving around in our row, but they can sit on the floor and use the chair as a desk.

*Children must be respectful of the preaching of the Word with their voice (quiet), their hands (busy and to themselves), and their posture (sitting up, not slouched or in a sleeping position)

*When they are old enough, children must bring their Bibles to church and find the passage the pastor is using before they start their quiet activities.

*Children must not play games with each other. Their activities must remain individual.

4. Be prepared with quiet activities.

Over the years the activities that I had available for my children to use during church services have varied. Their interests changed as the seasons changed or they matured. I tried to make sure, though, that the activities that we brought to church were things that were quiet and were not things that the children had available to them throughout the week. I wanted these things to feel fresh and special.

We tried to keep these things in a Church Bag, something that I would store in the van and could easily grab when we got there. This meant that it was always ready for the next Sunday. There were times that I needed to restock something, but I tried not to bring the whole bag into the house. Being without this bag would have made church much more difficult. Here are some of the activities that we chose to have:

Water Wow Books (find them here)
A Journal with special pens or markers (for drawing and writing)
Coloring Books with colors
Lace and Trace cards with string or shoelaces
A Quiet book (seen here)
Books of mazes, crosswords, wordsearches, or sudokus with pencils
Books with pictures or hidden pictures
Fidget devices to keep little hands busy
LED board to write and erase over and over again
Stickers with paper (you’d be amazed how long even a toddler can do this)
Cars or a small stuffed toy if they can use them quietly
MINTS — to keep their lips quiet until the mint has fully dissolved
Snacks — something healthy and without lots of crumbs (I’d need to add this every Sunday morning)
Busy Bags (seen here)

Overall, I didn’t expect our children to be perfect. I knew that they would have wiggles, disagreements, loud voices, etc. But we knew that it was important for our children to be in the services to see and hear what we do as the Body of Christ. The lessons of self-control that they learned during those years has been such a blessing to all of us, and people comment to us even now how they are blessed to see a whole family in the church service. Don’t be afraid to have your children with you, learning with you, and showing self-discipline. You CAN keep your kids quiet and respectful in church services.

5. Don’t use screens to entertain your children during a church service.

While screens are an easy way to keep your children quiet during the church service, I believe that it is not the best way to have them occupied. When my children are on screens (for a very limited time each day), they are mesmerized by them. They tune out the rest of the world. This is not the type of activity that you want your children to be engaged in during the church service. You want them to listen and participate in the worship music first and then in the preaching of the Word. While our young children may not understand everything that is said, they will pick up on some things. It is important for our children to see us sitting under the teaching of the Word of God on a weekly basis. They will catch what we do and say in all of life, even in spiritually.

What activities have you seen success with to keep your kids quiet in church ? Please comment below to help our community! Also, if you have a question for Sarah, write it in the comments below.