Essentials in Parenting — Part one

Leaving the hospital with my newborn daughter, I felt extremely unprepared for what lay ahead as a new mom. How could I know all that I needed to keep this little human alive? How was I to train her in Biblical Truth? Wasn’t there a manual on Amazon that could be delivered next day or better yet downloaded today for me? Back then, I was overwhelmed. But after having six children, I have matured and been prepared for many situations a parent would encounter and information a parent would need. There are still scenarios that I have never encountered, though, and in these times, I rely on a list of essentials in biblical parenting that guide the decisions I make. This series will develop those essentials in detail for you. By using these and some of your own, you will have the framework which will guide you as you parent.

1. Point them to Jesus and the Bible

Joshua 1 gives us a fabulous guide for our Biblical responsibilities as parents:

“These are the commands, decrees and laws the Lord your God directed me to teach you to observe in the land that you are crossing the Jordan to possess, so that you, your children and their children after them may fear the Lord your God as long as you live by keeping all his decrees and commands that I give you, and so that you may enjoy long life. Hear, Israel, and be careful to obey so that it may go well with you and that you may increase greatly in a land flowing with milk and honey, just as the Lord, the God of your ancestors, promised you.

Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.” (Bold words for emphasis.)

When you have time, read all of Joshua 1. It is gold for parents. Its instructions tell that we must point our children to Jesus in all we do. When you see a sunset, talk about the colors that you see but also marvel in the creativity of God! When your child or family have cares or worries, stop and immediately pray. Let your children know that prayer is our first resource. Throughout the day, thank God for the blessings you have: a dry house on a rainy day, hot soup in winter, friends to play with, a soft bed to sleep in, running water to take a bath, strong healthy bodies to play sports, etc. When you see a slimy frog, majestic mountains, or beautiful snowfall, thank your Creator for the way He has so wonderfully made His creation.

It is our delight to tell our children throughout each day about our great God. Turn your conversations to talk about Jesus. Discuss what you are learning in your private Bible time. Read the Bible or a Biblical devotional book together as a family after dinner. Then you will be pointing them to Jesus and the Bible: an essential in parenting.

2. Be consistent

Being a parent is hard work. There are sleepless nights, sacrificial days, diapers to change, sick kids to comfort, practices to attend, homework to finish, and more! Parents are just tired. But one of the best things that we can do for our children is to be consistent. Be consistent even when you don’t feel like it. The most well-adjusted children are ones who have had consistency in their home.

For example, you tell your child, “If you hit your brother, you will be put into time out.” When your son comes to you to report that his brother hit again, do you follow through? Being a consistent parent means you will stop washing the dishes, dry your hands, and pray for patience and wisdom. Then you go to where your other son is hiding. You will talk to them about hitting and enforce the punishment that you had stated before. These times when we choose consistency are not convenient for the parent. They are vital, though, if we are to raise great children for God’s Kingdom and decent human beings.

Too often today, parents will not stop what they are doing to handle the situation in real time. They will reason that at they will discipline their child next time. Maybe they are even too distracted by what is on their phones. But what does the above scenario teach your children? It teaches the hitter his parents’ threats are empty while it teaches the other his parents don’t care about him.

Being a consistent parent takes time, energy, and intentionality. When you have small children, you feel like your whole day is consumed with discipline. It is extremely important to remain consistent, though, — even if that means disciplining over and over again for the same willful disobedience! Ask God for strength to tend to the hearts of your children, especially in times where it’s hard.

3. Be the parent.

One of the biggest parenting problems that I have encountered is a tendency for parents to want to be friends with their children instead of acting like the parent. Trust me; I want my children to be friends with me. I want them to love me, tell me their secrets, and want to hang out with me. But I do a disservice to them when I choose to be their friend when I need to be their parent. I need to make hard decisions that may mean that they will not like me for a few days or discipline them so they will learn a lesson.

For example, I have counselled parents who have a two-year-old daughter who doesn’t want to go to bed. They have struggled for over four months with bedtime, choosing to let her stay up passed 10 o’clock instead of making her go to bed. They hate to see her cry. These parents were not practicing the principles in number two or three. First, they need to be consistent. They must set the bedtime and then stick to it. Yes, there may be an occasional time that you extend the bedtime, but most of the time put them in bed at the time you set. Secondly, be the parent. Tell the little one that it is time for bed. They are the child and must go to bed.

This type of “friendship parenting” will not be adequate when your little ones grow up to be teens. Teens need you to set boundaries. While they are tough on the outside, your teens will be thankful for the care that you have shown them by providing a structure and being the parent. It isn’t always easy, and you may want to be soft. But what teens need is for you to show your love by parenting them with boundaries, and many will respond positively and open up about their lives.

Being a parent is hard work! It takes intentionality in discipling them in the ways of the Lord, consistency in every aspect, and maturity to be an adult and do adult things. This is not the end of the list of essentials in biblical parenting for me, this is only part one. These have truly been guideposts as I navigating parenting, and they can be your guide as well. Stay tuned to see the next three essentials next week.

Have you found these principles to be true? Share a story or comments below to benefit our community!

Find out more about what it means to be a Biblically Minded Family HERE or about our ministry in Zambia HERE.