Essentials in Biblical Parenting — Part Two

It was a lovely, sunny spring morning when we decided to go for a family bike ride. We got our bikes out, our helmets on, and the littles strapped into the bike trailer. Our two oldest excitedly mounted their bikes, and off we went. We enjoyed the blue sky, singing birds, and a family activity after being couped up inside for a cold Iowa winter. Grace (6), coasting down the sidewalk, was about to cross the opening of a parking lot, but she didn’t see a truck turning into the lot from the main road. I immediately yelled, “GRACE, STOP!!” She halted to a full stop right before the truck turned in front of her; he never even saw her! I ran to my daughter and threw my arms around her neck. Holding her tightly, I was relieved that she was safe and pleased that she obeyed my command immediately, without hesitation. She didn’t question me; she just obeyed. You see, Immediate Obedience is another one of the Essentials in Biblical Parenting. It is a pillar that I have chosen to incorporate into our home. Here in Part Two, we will discuss four more essentials — guides that lead us in parenting. (If you haven’t read part one of Essentials in Biblical Parenting, find it HERE.)

1. Train your children in immediate obedience.

When our children were small, I always was cautious about taking them to friends’ homes. I didn’t know if they had ornate crystal vases on display on the coffee table — a perfect height for my toddler, or if they had white carpet in their dining room — perfect for my messy eaters. But in those situations, I prayed that my children would obey what they had learned, that they would exercise what they had trained for. From the time they were very small, I taught them immediate obedience. When they would crawl over to the bookshelf, they would look back at me. I would shake my head NO. No, they were NOT allowed to take all the books from the shelf and throw them on the floor. I expected them to stop what they were about to do and not take the books down. My expectations were “to obey right away and with a happy heart.”

One of the very first verses I taught our children was from Ephesians 6:1, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord for this is right.” I shortened it to be, “Obey your dad and mom.” While my ultimate goal is for our children to love God and want to obey Him and me out of love, there was a time when they were young that they had to obey because it was the right thing to do and because they wanted to avoid discipline. It is important to have this as one of your essentials in biblical parenting not only for safety (see the illustration in the opening paragraph) but also for them to learn to respect for all adults.

2. Say YES whenever possible.

Several years ago, I felt like I was saying NO all the time to our kids. They would ask if they could do something, and I would say no without any good reason. Can we jump on the trampoline in our bathing suits with the sprinkler under the trampoline? My immediate response was NO. That sounded like too much work and was too dangerous, messy, etc. But I realized I was stifling my kids. They were coming up with creative and memory-making activities. I was shutting them down without a real thought. These activities might actually teach them something: personal responsibility, their limits, sympathy for others, creativity, leadership, and more.

Instead of shutting down their ideas, I think, “Is this legal? Is this sinful? Is this safe-ish? Do I have a reason I need to say NO today?” I am now apt to stay YES when they ask which is met with their squeals of delight. An occasional day of school on the trampoline or ice cream before dinner never hurt anyone! Make their dreams come true. Say YES to their ideas and create children who flourish!

3. Make your love unconditional.

Besides teaching your children about God and the Bible, one of the next most important things that you can tell them often is that your love for them is strong and there is nothing that they can do to change that. In times of discipline, I remind my children of my love for them. It did not change and it will not change when they made wrong choices. I may be disappointed, but my love has not diminished. Likewise, as I snuggle my kids on the couch, I whisper to them how much I love them. Just as God’s love for me does not change, my love for our children does not change whether they sin or whether they please me. They are my kids. I will always love them. Make sure your children know this, too.

We teach them much about the love God has for us when we imitate that unconditional love for them as well. Romans 5:8 tells us about God’s love for us: “But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” God did not wait for us to clean up our acts and be perfect before He would love us. No, when we were still dead in our sins, He reached out and loved us in a lavish way: He gave Jesus as a sacrifice for our sin. When we choose to make our love unconditional toward our children, we are demonstrating to them character of God.

4. Invest in Relationships.

As you know, parenting is hard work, but it is one of the most rewarding things I have ever done! Why has it been so rewarding? I have intentionally invested in relationships with them. I try to be interested in what they are interested in. We play soccer together in the yard. I ask them about their jobs or Sunday School lesson. We chat about the game. We share silly videos. I make them treats. We chat on the phone when they are away. We snuggle on the couch reading books. I get out games to play or books to color in. These are just some of the ways that I have invested in these relationships.

I want to know my kids. I want them to know that I care more about them than getting the laundry done or weeding the garden. My phone and computer often get in the way too much, but I have made it a point to control it instead of it controlling me. Find ways that you can truly connect with your kids — whether that is by taking lunch dates, giving them love notes or texts, or chatting together on the couch, you will never regret the investment you make in your children.

Has this article helped you? Tell me which Essentials in Biblical Parenting you have adopted for your own family. Would you write your answer in the comments below? I would also love to know how you choose to invest in relationships with your kids.

If you enjoyed this article, find PART ONE HERE.