When you think of the “perfect family” that you desire to have, what do you see? I see the eight of us sitting on a hill looking out at the still lake with the sun setting. Danny and I are in the middle. He has his arm around me, and our kids are all pressed in tightly. The boys are laughing together at something (or someone) and the girls are pointing at some animals in the distance. There is a calmness about us. It is simple. We are together. It is beautiful. This scene is not real, of course, but creating its feeling is what I hope to develop in my family. We will never reach the “perfect family” status that we dream of, but it is important that we think with the end in mind as we create principles (or essentials) for our family to live by. We have already looked at seven Essentials in Biblical Parenting, and today we will finish with the last three.
1. Plan for Outdoor fun
We love getting outside in Creation, so much so, I have made it one of our essentials! Not only is it physically beneficial for all of us to be outdoors, but it is also spiritually and emotionally fruitful. Being outdoors as a family has allowed us to create a variety of wonderful memories together from hiking in the mountains, to exploring on playgrounds, to adventuring on safari, to boating on the Zambezi River, to throwing footballs on the beach, to playing kickballs, to camping in a tent, to roasting hotdogs and marshmallows over the fire, and more! Even though it can take time to research and plan for adventures, it is well worth the energy. Being outside together as a family has created such beautiful memories that has bonded us in a profound way. They have also led us into times of worship of our Creator God as we have seen His beauty and power in majestic mountains, waterfalls, or starry skies! Truly “the Heavens declare the glory of God and the skies proclaim the work of His hands!” (Psalm 19:1).
2. Forgive and receive forgiveness often
Keep short accounts with your children. When you mess up (and you will), go to them right away and ask for forgiveness. Don’t let time make the offense smaller or not as important. Just last week I was condescending to one of my children. My comments were unnecessary, and they belittled her right away. I hated what I said. After first asking God for forgiveness, I immediately went to her and asked for her forgiveness because I care so deeply about the relationship with her. I don’t want anything to hurt that precious gift. It is also important that all of my children know that even though I sin, I am humble enough to admit it and ask for forgiveness. By keeping short accounts with them, we do not let hard feelings fester. We deal with the problems so we can keep communication open. (Ephesians 4:32, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ has forgiven you.”)
3. Serve as a family
One of the best ways to combat selfishness that can rise up in families is to serve. Whether you serve outside of your home or open your home to hospitality, it is important for you and your family to see the other people and their needs and find ways to meet these. When our children were small, we loved serving at food packing events in Des Moines, Iowa. Meals from the Heartland was an organization that packed meals for needy families in Iowa, the Midwest, and beyond. Our family was blessed to have enough food, but it opened our eyes and hearts to the needs around us. There really were people in our own town who were hungry, and we could do something to meet those needs.
I believe that every teen needs to get out of the United States before they graduate high school to see how third-world countries live. (Read more about that HERE.) When poverty has a name attached, you have seen people in their hunger, and you have seen and smelled where they live, your life is changed. Your priorities shift as you come to grips with what you have witnessed, and the feelings of entitlement lessen.
We have seen this first-hand as we have served with Family legacy Missions International in Zambia, Africa. As our family has served together, we have a special bond. No one else has experienced what we have by serving together. No one else knows what we know. The special people we have met, the unique places we have been, the blessed opportunities that we have experienced to share the love, heart and message of Jesus has profoundly changed our family. It is part of our identity… and we believe that every Jesus-loving family needs to serve as well. (See Matthew 25:35-40, I Peter 4:10-11, Joshua 24:15, Philippians 2:3-4)
So… what about your family?
Here are my 10 Essentials in Biblical Parenting:
- Point them to Jesus and the Bible
- Be Consistent
- Be the Parent
- Train them in Immediate Obedience
- Say YES whenever Possible
- Make your Love Unconditional
- Invest in Relationships
- Plan for Outdoor fun
- Forgive and Receive Forgiveness Often
- Serve as a Family
It is now time for you to take these ideas and use them as a springboard to create your own. What do you want your family to look like? What are the important tenants in your home? Starting with the end in mind, what do you want your children to remember about growing up in your family? List out those ideas. Create them into your essentials to biblically parent your children, and see how the Lord blesses you when you choose to obey Him in parenting your children!
Would you share with us in the comments below which of these essentials you will incorporate in your home? Is there something missing that you are going to add? We would love to hear about those in the comments!
Find out more about what it means to be a Biblically Minded Family, HERE!
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