Have you ever been in the grocery store and noticed that kid? He stands next to his mother, insisting that he gets the Fruity Pebbles. His tone increases as he stomps and demands that his mother buy them for him because he deserves them. His volume increases, but you quickly exit the aisle, only to hear him clearly from the next one. This embarrassing moment forever confirms your desire for your children to know and use manners. It is clear: Biblically Minded families teach manner at home which are consistent with the Word of God. They aim to have their children be a blessing to the world around them.
But what manners should we teach — beyond saying “please” and “thank you”? Are manners outdated in our society today? Will my children seem strange if they use these manners? Teaching manners at home may seem like something reserved for the past, but it is needed now more than ever. Hearing and seeing children use manners is refreshing and a benefit to society. We need more children and adults with the types of manners that our grandparents and great grandparents expressed. Biblical Manners teach children their place in society and encourage them to be a blessing to those around them. (Find FREE downloadable posters at the end of this post.)
These “old fashioned” manners are exactly what Biblically Minded Families need to teach at home:
1. I will write thank you notes by hand to show my gratitude to others.
We have all been to birthday parties where a young child rips through their presents, tearing into package after package with hardly a “Thank you” in between. This hurried attitude is indicative of our society. Biblically Minded families, though, want children to slow down and let thankfulness wash over them. This is why writing thank you notes is important. Their gratitude goes beyond a flippant “thank you”. Writing a note requires time, effort, intentionality, and thought. Make sure your children go beyond, “Thank you for the book.” Encourage them to write why they liked the book or which character they enjoyed the most. Teaching kids this simple skill will have benefits for many years.
Philemon 1:7
“Your love has given me great joy and encouragement, because you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of the Lord’s people.”
2. I will help others without being asked.
I think most of us would agree that our young children like helping. When we ask them to do something, they are quick to say YES and step in. But as Biblically Minded Families we desire for our children to see needs around them and help.
Several years ago, I read about a mother who wanted to teach her children this principle. Before the children got up in the morning, she got a used candy wrapper and attached a five-dollar bill to the underside of it. Then she put that wrapper in the center of the hallway in a high traffic area of their home. She wanted to see who would take the initiative to pick it up and put it in the trash bin.
As each of her kids woke up, she was excited to see who would find the money. But to her surprise, they all walked right over the wrapper! Not even one of them picked it up. Each walked over it a minimum of twelve times over the course of the day. No one stopped to pick up the misplaced trash. At dinner that evening the mother had the youngest child go to the hallway to collect the trash. To his surprise it was not just a normal piece of trash. He was excited to see the money, but this mother didn’t let him keep it.
You see, she desired for them to see needs around them and assist without being asked. We teach our children to obey and help when asked. But having good manners means that we see these things for ourselves and initiate a response. This is the goal for each of us as parents too. Develop children who see people and needs around them and use their time, abilities, money, and talent to help others.
1 Peter 4:10-11
“Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord.”
3. I will remove my hat in church and when our flag is presented to show respect and honor.
This manner may seem archaic. I assure you, though, that the generations before us felt strongly about this. Times have changed, but it is important to preserve this in our families. Removing hats shows respect and honor, not only for God, His Word, and the flag, but also for the people who gave their lives for our freedoms. While our love for our country should never exceed our love for our God and the Bible, it is important to teach families to value their country and be thankful for it. There is a healthy level of pride we can show when it comes to our home country.
I Peter 2:17
Show proper respect to everyone: Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God, honor the King.
4. I will offer my seat to others, especially a pregnant mother, the elderly, and anyone else older than me.
This is a traditional manner that has been lost over the years. It is a perfect time to bring this back! Teach your children to respect those older than themselves by offering their seat to them. This selfless act is refreshing compared to the selfishness that is rampant in our country. Whether your son is offering his seat to an older gentleman or a pregnant mother, the attitude is the same. “I value you, and I see you. You deserve this seat more than I do. I will lay down myself to give it up for you.” Wow! Can you imagine our country if all children were taught these manners at home?
Hebrews 13:5b
Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms.
5. I will not use my phone or even expose my phone during meals to show I value those at the table.
Our phones can be a blessing but can also be a curse. Many of us are too tied to our phones to be present in the lives of those around us. Hiding your phones during mealtimes helps us become more engaged in family life. Don’t let your phone distract you from the special people you are spending this time with. Make it a point to not bring phones to the table, but place them away so you can really be present for the thirty minutes of dinner.
Romans 12:9-10
Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.
6. I will hold open doors for others, letting them go before me, demonstrating selflessness, respect and humility.
Have you ever been entering a restaurant when the person in front of you just lets the door slam without holding it open for you? It’s quite rude to experience this, but it happens all the time. Teach your children to look around, noticing people all around them. Show them how to open the door for others, allowing them to enter before you. This might mean that your family is now behind others in the queue or losing in the line game, but you will definitely be winning in God’s mind. This gesture is a backbone to a respectful society and is a manner that must be taught at home.
Philippians 2:3
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.
7. I will use respectful terms when talking with adults – like ma’am, sir, mister, misses, auntie or uncle.
Many children these days are taught to call adults by their first names. It was shocking to me the first time a six-year-old called me Sarah…Not because she used the wrong name. I was surprised that a child felt comfortable to address me that way. Being in Zambia the last eight years, all children refer to adults as Uncle or Auntie. It is a term of respect and identity. Southern families teach addressing adults as sir and ma’am. Biblically Minded Families teach their children to use respectful terms when addressing adults of all ages. This shows honor and lets the child know their place within society: they are children. Respect adults and address them as such.
8. I will stand to greet all adults and shake their hands firmly to show respect.
This manner has much to do with laziness in our society. Teach children to stand when introduced to or greeted by adults. After they rise from their seats, they must firmly shake hands with the adult and greet them with eye contact. This respectful gesture will not only be welcome to adults, but it will also be impressive during job interviews and all of adulthood.
Leviticus 19:3a, 32a
Each of you must respect his mother and father. Rise in the presence of the aged, show respect for the elderly and revere your God.
9. I will make eye contact in conversations to show I am respectful and listening.
This is a skill that parents must teach children. Eye contact demonstrates engagement and listening. Showing respect during conversations is lacking today. I have even had people reach for their phones while we were talking. This is rude. The next generation needs to learn manners like this… things that were taught years ago but not caught by people today.
10. I will demonstrate patience and self-control by not interrupting but waiting and actively listening to the dialogue so I can respond compassionately and intelligently.
How would the world be different if we listened to one another? I believe people would feel more loved and appreciated. We would have more real connections and deeper relationships. But this takes time and energy. Teach your children to listen – really listen as they are in conversations with one another. Have them think of follow up questions without interrupting. We can cut people short in their explanations or stories. Waiting your turn in conversations requires patience, compassion, and selflessness. Aim to be a good listener.
James 1:19-20
Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.
Download FREE Printable Manners Posters HERE.
Which of these manners will you begin to teach at home? Are there other manners to add to this list? Let me know in the comments below.
Do you aim to become a Biblically Minded Family? Find out more about becoming a Biblically Minded family by reading THIS ARTICLE.
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