I used to be very nervous about having people over to my home for dinner. I had to be sure the whole house was spotless — even the showers! Dinner had to be fancy, including a new recipe with special ingredients; things that we didn’t normally serve to our family. The kids had to make sure their outfits were clean and matching while their hair had to be neatly combed. Having company was an ordeal; it was something that took of a lot of planning and coordinating. It’s that what biblical hospitality looks like? In our home I have aimed to create a culture of hospitality. I now strive to create an environment of warmth and home instead of a pretend facade. Here are my top five principles for creating a culture of hospitality in your home:
1. Develop a spirt of love, humility and service.
In a culture where we are taught to look out for ourselves, service, love, and humility are not signs of power and strength. In God’s economy, though, we are taught you are great in God’s kingdom when you humble yourself and serve. “Jesus did not come to be served but to serve and to give His life as a ransom for many” (Matthew 20:28). The culture of your home will be a shining contrast to the world when you teach your family to serve like Jesus. Serving all people regardless of what they look like, how much money they have, or even if they can repay you, is a gift. You can restore dignity to one who is feeling forgotten or abandoned because of their life choices. This will create a culture of hospitality in your home.
2. Open Your Home Often
If you want to get good at something, the best thing to do is to just start trying or practicing. I feel this is true about hospitality. If you want to become comfortable in hospitality, serve and serve often. Have people over to your home once a month or more. You will develop routines and systems that work for you and your family. Hospitality is more about the feeling of love and “home” that you get when you are together, than the food that is served. You can have a special time with friends while serving frozen pizzas that you threw in the oven because you spent time playing board games and laughing until you cried. Hospitality is more about how you serve that what you serve.
3. Teach your children to serve.
One of my biggest pet peeves is seeing entitled kids jumping into the front of the serving lines. They pile their plates with mounds of food, only to eat a few bites before leaving their plates on the table to go play. Our society has done a disservice to our children by not teaching them to be servants.
In our house our children are never allowed to be served before the guests. We have aimed to teach them that you serve yourself last. Even when passing out a snack to all of the kids, they must serve everyone else first and then give themself the last one. Yes, that means that sometimes you will have a broken cookie or an edge piece of a brownie. (I’m totally a middle brownie girl.) Service means sacrifice, and I have the children live Romans 12:10, “Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.” Teaching your children to create this culture of hospitality makes it be a blessing to be in your home.
4. Hospitality is about more than the food.
While there is a time and place for fancy foods, our house isn’t one of them! We are a much simpler people. We like pasta, pizza, and meat with potatoes. When we have company, I don’t try to make something extraordinary. I make something that I know our family will enjoy, something that I am already accustomed to cooking. The meal doesn’t need to be more complicated than it has to be. I want a “win” so I will make a menu that reflects that.
When meal planning for the company, many times I will prepare things that I can make ahead of time. I will plan for my husband to grill some meat, and then I will have side dishes to go with it that I can cook that morning or even the day before. I like to pair the meat with potato salad, deviled eggs, cut raw veggies with dip, and sliced bread. When our guests arrive, I have nothing that I need to prepare. I can spend the time with our friends instead of sweating in the kitchen.
5. Always be ready to serve.
When we lived in Zambia, I really had to take this principle to heart. I literally could have friends and acquaintances stop by at any moment with the expectation that we could have tea together. While at first I was blown away at that culture difference, God began to work in my heart. I began to see it as a beautiful way to share Jesus with others and be His hands and feet. It wasn’t about what I served; it was about being together. Instead of viewing these times of fellowship as an interruption to my schedule, I began to see them as God appointments. They were HIS schedule for me even though they weren’t written down on my “to do list” for the day.
How did I make that work? I prepared ahead of time, making sure that I always had coffee and tea on hand as well as something to serve with it. I often had banana bread and zucchini bread in the freezer. As soon as a guest would knock on the gate, I would take a loaf out and put it on the counter. If we had electricity, I could thaw it quickly in the microwave. If you don’t like frozen breads, another great alternative would be having frozen cookie dough. Placing cookie rounds on a baking sheet and throwing them in the oven doesn’t take a lot of effort when company arrives, but it sure does make everyone happy!
Questions about Hospitality:
What do you do when you have a variety of dietary restrictions or dietary preferences when serving people a meal?
We live in a time and place where new fads, diets, eating plans, food sensitivities, and food allergies seem to be created weekly. When we try to serve food for a variety of people we can be overwhelmed, but a bar is your best friend. What does this mean?
When we have a group at our home with various restrictions, we serve our dinner at the kitchen island. We serve a salad bar, a baked potato bar, or a chili bar, etc. This allows all our friends to create something that fits their needs. Our friends have felt loved and seen when we have made dinner full of items that they can choose from according to what they can eat. For example, my keto friends and vegetarian friends both love salad bar night because they customize their salad to match their eating plan. They appreciate the effort I made to cut all of the veggies and have a variety of toppings to add to their salad. By serving these meals “bar style”, we make a wide variety that make our friends happy with one single dinner.
What are some of the “bar style” meals that have been successful in your home?
Salad Bar Options:
- Lettuce (romaine, iceberg, spinach, etc.)
- Tomatoes
- Carrots
- Cucumbers
- Broccoli
- Peppers
- Onions
- Cheese
- Apples
- Craisins or Raisins
- Seeds and nuts
- Corn
- Dressing
- Croutons
- Chicken, steak, ham
2. Chili Bar Options:
- Chili with meat
- Chili without meat
- Baked Potatoes
- Cheese
- Sour Cream
- Onions
- Jalapenos
- Corn Bread
3. Baked Potato Bar
- Baked Potatoes (cooked in the oven or instant pot)
- Chili
- Taco Meat
- Sour Cream
- Shredded Cheese
- Cheese Sauce
- Steamed Broccoli
- Meat — Chicken, ham, steak or bacon
- Butter
- Bread with butter
4. Taco Bar
- Hard shell tacos
- Corn or flour tortillas
- Tortilla chips
- Shredded chicken
- Ground beef with taco seasoning
- Sauteed Green peppers and onions
- Shredded cheese
- Sour cream
- Salsa
- Guacamole
- Avocados
- Taco Sauce
- Lettuce
- Onions
- Jalapenos
With all these options, your guest should be able to find things that they will be able to eat and be satisfied. We have found these types of meals to take a little more preparation than many other meals that we make, but they are hugely successful in our guests’ eyes.
2. What do you do about putting your children to bed when you have friends over?
Depending on who is at our house, we will choose to either keep the kids awake, put them to bed, or put some in bed and keep others awake. It is really up to you. We would usually choose to keep the big kids awake and put the little ones down close to the time that they usually go to bed. If we were able to, we would choose to have guests over when we knew we could sleep in the next day or at least have an easy schedule. You know your children best. If they need to go to bed, put them to bed.
3. I am not confident in my cooking skills, and I feel embarrassed to have people come to our house. What advice would you have for me?
Great question. First, I would realize that people are coming to your home to enjoy your company. They want to be with you. Second, I would try to find one simple meal that you can prepare and make that one for everyone that comes to your home. Practice that meal on your family to get it just as you like it. It can be simple — like pasta and sauce or more complicated like meat and potatoes. I have had a lot of success making soups and keeping them warm in the crockpot. Third, prepared meals from the freezer section of the grocery store can be a very tasty choice. I have baked a frozen lasagna, cut a loaf of French bread, and paired that with a simple salad. Everyone loved it, and there wasn’t much left over!
4. Our home isn’t as nice as we would like it to be, and I am hesitant to have people here to see it. Help!
I understand that your home may cause you to be hesitant about having people over, but I am confident that it bothers you way more than it will to your guests. Most of the time we are the ones that obsess over the details and the things that need to be done around the house, when others do not even see those things. Focus more on spending time with your company than trying to impress them with what your home looks like. If your friends don’t like you because of what your home looks like, then they aren’t really the type of friends that you want in the first place. Be thankful for the home you have and use it for the glory of the Lord and to serve Him.
To read more about hospitality, try these books:
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