Families Who Eat Together, Thrive Together

I love everything about family dinners in the Lightner house! I love making vats of food for the eight of us (with lots of guests too), having all the chairs filled with our people makes me smile from ear to ear, listening to the conversations — some silly, some insightful, but mostly memorable, and feeling connected as we share a meal, rehearse memories, and create new ones. You may have heard the statistics that children who eat family meals together are less likely to develop eating disorders, suffer from depression, and be consumed by stress. It’s true. I have read the studies, and I have lived it in my childhood and adulthood. Families who eat together, thrive together. Why are family meals important? How can you get started? Find out below.

Why are family meals important?

1. Provides a time of connection.

Is your family flying around in a million directions during the day? Soccer practice, piano lessons, work, school, grocery shopping, time with friends? Well, family meals are important to get your family to assemble together in your busy lives. It provides the time and space for you to look at each other face to face and intentionally connect. When you bring your family together, it is like giving them a big hug, letting them know that they are seen and heard and loved. Having intentional mealtimes together let’s your family know that each member matters so much to you that you schedule this time to be together. Their presence matters to you and so you will the sacrifice to make it happen.

2. Incorporates good nutrition

Here is a perfect time nourish your family by providing great meals that give their bodies fuel for life! Cooking nutritious meals will comfort their little hearts as well as fill their tummies. This time will not only give them good vegetables and meats but also has the potential to affect their souls and spirit. Cook your family favorites or try something new! The important thing is you are giving them a meal that will fuel their busy lives and keep them healthy. When families are fragmented, that is when nutrition often splinters.

3. Gives your family identity (memories)

We have had numerous special memories from family meals together. From loud burps by our youngest members, to funny mishaps during prayer, to reminiscing about a vacation or funny story, our mealtimes give our family identity. They are times that we share as a family which fuels our identity. This is what it means to be a Lightner! Not everyone will understand the inside jokes that we have. They can’t relate to the time the monkeys stole our playing cards, climbed up the tree and slung them down to us one at a time. But the eight of us can. Family dinners help to bring us together and bind us in ways other things can’t. They help us remember the past and give us memories to tell in the future.

4. Unifies you in the Word (discipleship)

Family meals are really important because they give us another time in the day to disciple our children. During dinner we talk about all kinds of things, but often we have a spiritual question we pose to the kids or ask them about what they learned at church. We also share about what they have read in the Bible recently or chat about a current event and its spiritual or biblical significance. When the children come with a question, that is when things can get really fun. Explaining these spiritual truths to all the kids at the same time is a real bonding experience. Even when we are talking about politics or history, we weave into the conversation our biblical world view that our children will not soon forget.

5. Unites our hearts in prayer

As our family gathers in the kitchen to pray before the meal, often someone will come with a concern that they would like to pray for. It could be for a friend or relative or about a current event. When they come with a request, it allows our hearts to be united in prayer. We come to the Lord with that request. I love hearing our little ones pray for the requests that the older kids have. It brings a smile to my face as I consider how our children bring the prayer items, how they love to pray for each other, and how bonded we feel as we hold hands and go to the Father about these needs. We cannot help but become more united in this way.

How can we make the most out of our family mealtimes?

1. Make the time of the meal flexible

When our girls started working during high school, that made mealtimes more complicated. In order to make sure we had our dinner together, we sometimes changed our evening big meal to lunch. Since the kids were homeschooled and my husband worked at home, this schedule was a good solution for us. But some of our friends have had extremely early dinners (4:30) or late dinners (8:00) because they valued the time together so much. You could also plan to have family breakfasts together to make it work. Allow the timing of the meal to be flexible so you can have more meals together.

2. Set realistic expectations

While you may not be able to have every meal together on every night of the week, what CAN you do? What is a realistic expectation for your family? Can you all decide on two nights per weeks to set aside for family time? Think about your schedules and tweak them if necessary so you can create a bonding experience for the whole family. You may have to start with one meal and then add another and another. Build a plan and make it happen.

3. Cook nutritious meals

What are your family’s favorite nutritious meals? Make sure those are the ones that you save for family dinner nights. You want to create an atmosphere that your children want to be home for. Quit making that casserole from your great aunt! Make what your kids love, and your children will be delighted to be home in time to eat! But that doesn’t mean you can’t try new things! You may just find a new family favorite. And make sure that you incorporate desserts at times. That will be sure to get everyone to the table!

4. Keep phones away from the table

Adults and teens have phone problems. That is the truth, but phones should have no place at the table for meals. Mealtimes need to be NO PHONE ZONES. There is a real temptation to look something up or answer a text message. Those things can wait while you connect with the souls that you are seated with around the table. Those are the most important ones for the next 30 minutes.

5. Ask questions

Think of open-ended questions that you can ask your children (and husband) about their days. Open-ended questions make it impossible to answer with just one word. This creates more dialogue and interaction. Make it fun. Go beyond: “What was the best thing that happened today?” Be more insightful. Buy conversation cards like these from Dr. Delony or print The Biblically Minded Family’s Mealtime Discussion Starters to keep at the table. (Follow the link on the picture below.) These will get the conversation going in your home… so you can take a peek into their hearts and can make lasting memories as well.

6. Pray together from a list near the table.

How sweet it is to pray together as a family! Not just praying for your neighbor’s cat, but praying for really pressing things as a family. It is fun to take those requests to God and then report back on how He answered those. Your faith will grow and grow. Keep a list of these requests near the table so you have quick access to them — either on the table or on a bulletin board next to the table. We were so blessed to recently have a meal with friends who have missionary cards on their table. They have pictures and the names and other information about each missionary so the family can systematically pray! Our family as missionaries to Zambia were in the prayer pile too! How cool! Make it easy to know what to pray for by having the requests near or on the table.

7. Share a short devotional, verse, catechism, or spiritual thought.

There are many resources that you can find that help create a time to focus on spiritual things with your family. But all you really need is your Bible. When dinner is winding down, have dad read a chapter from the book of Psalms or Proverbs. Talk about what stood out to you. This time together doesn’t have to be long or have every detail planned out. Just doing it is better than not doing it. Allow the Holy Spirit the time and space to speak to your hearts. It is amazing to see the insights that even the youngest in our home has as we open the Word.

Are you ready to start making Family Mealtimes a Priority? How are you going to get started or how do you make mealtimes intentional in your home? Let us know in the comments below!