The day started off a little crazy. I was helping the five-year-old find her misplaced shoes while the boys got into some markers and began practicing their circles on the walls of the living room. After seeing the mess they were making, I turned around just in time to see the baby projectile vomit across the kitchen. I nearly slipped in it in my haste to come to her rescue. Looking around at the chaos, I just wanted to sit and cry. But there was no time for that. “I’m a mother… there was just too much to do.” On days like this I remind myself that “parenting is God’s gift of sanctification in our lives” if we let it be!
I firmly believe that God in His sovereignty gave me my children…. all six of them. He knew the exact children that I needed in my life, and He knew the children that needed me in their lives, too. He designed this family not only to bring glory to Himself but also for our family’s sanctification. Being a mom to these precious ones has made me develop the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-26) in ways that couldn’t have been possible without them sharpening me day by day. It hasn’t been easy but it has been a work of God in each of our lives.
In what areas does God use our children to sanctify us?
1. Patience
I used to think I was a patient person. Then I had children. My mommy friends would encourage me with, “These are the longest days but the shortest years.” My sleep-deprived brain couldn’t even fully comprehend what that quote was saying. It turned out to be right, though. Every incredibly long day brought me new ways to be patient. Whether it was from a new clingy phase the baby was going through, a discipline issue to correct for the 100th time, or picking up the mountain of Cheerios off the floor for the fourth time today, my patience has grown as my motherhood has grown.
This fruit of the spirit has not been grown easily, though. Its persistence has taken over 18 years to develop. I used to look at seasoned moms and wonder how they became so wise and so patient. Time. They didn’t just wake up one morning and were patient. Over time, day after day of practice, God used their children and circumstances of their lives to build patience. Actions that used to have them snap at their children are now met with gentle words and a level-headed mother. Patience…. a fruit of the Spirit that demonstrates how parenting is God’s gift of sanctification.
2. Humility
Nothing humbles us more than having children. I don’t know about your children, but mine have been professionals at pointing out my flaws. “Mom, why does your forehead have those lines in it?” “Mom, why are your legs so bumpy?” “You aren’t being very patient today, mom.” “Why did you forget to do that for me?” You get the point. Our lives are on full display for our children. They see the good, the bad, and the ugly, and they can be quick to let you know what they see. My children have seen my lacking character and point it out to me, showing me areas of hypocrisy. Boy, is that humbling!
My children have also humbled me in public. Whether it was the things that they said, things that they did, the outfits they chose to wear, the snide remark they made, etc., I have been humbled by having my children. Sometimes they were just being kids. I have also needed to humbly accept correction from an older and wiser mom who saw what happened in a given situation. God has used these little humans as God’s gift of sanctification in my life and has taught me humility over and over again which makes me more like Jesus.
3. Prayerfulness
I think God may laugh at the list of things that I have prayed for over the years of being a mom. Moms have prayers that other sane people don’t. We pray for: baby’s constipation, cracked nipples when nursing, the baby’s circumcision to heal, milk to come in, the bedbug issue from vacation, the toddler’s potty training, the preschool not to pinch anyone in Sunday School… the funny list goes on and on. I think God smiles when He hears these mommy prayers. We both know that our prayers do not stop there, though. We pray for friendships, wise decisions, heartache, protection, and boldness. The list grows as our children grow.
Parenting has taught me to take everything to Him in prayer. Motherhood has made me Prayerful. Parenting shows our desperate need of God and His help in our lives. We must talk to Him every day and in every situation (Philippians 4:6-7). It changes our selfishness and self-focused prayer to be others’-focused. I love our children more than I can even describe. The weight of the job that I have to raise them as Godly men and women to change the world can sit heavy on me at times. I want them to know God and love Him, but I am a flawed mother. God must step in and work in ME so I can effectively parent them. Prayerfulness. God has used the circumstances in parenting to sanctify me and develop a heart for prayer.
4. Self Control
Each year in the United States there are babies who go to the hospital with “shaken baby syndrome”. It is horrible to think about the number of babies who are killed or lives changed due to the recklessness of a parent. That first year is tough… and develops in us self control.
After one particularly hard night in Des Moines, Iowa, Danny had already gone to work in the morning and the five children were all awake. I hadn’t got much sleep the night before due to a fussy newborn, but that wasn’t something new. With everyone around the table eating nicely and the newborn buckled in her seat, I snuck to the bathroom, leaving our oldest in charge.
From the bathroom I heard a crash. I immediately finished in the bathroom and left. What was that noise? From the top of the stairs, all I could see was oatmeal. Oatmeal on the floor, oatmeal on the table, oatmeal on faces, oatmeal on the ceiling, oatmeal on the fridge. Apparently if you stir your bowl as fast as you can, eventually the centrifugal force will cause the bowl to fly across the table and spray its contents around the kitchen like a sprinkler. Cool, right? NO!
Instead of yelling at this sight, I calmly got the children down from the table and stripped them of their oatmeal clothes. In a soft whisper asked them to all go to their rooms and get dressed. The little feet scampered up the steps while I grabbed the baby and sat on the stairs with tears in my eyes. I wasn’t crying due to exhaustion or of the mess in front of me. Rather, I was proud of myself. I could have come down the stairs and screamed at my children, scarring them. I chose something different. By the grace of God, He had been developing in me the fruit of self-control. I didn’t need to yell or scream or make a scene.
This can only be from the power of God working in my life. I had developed self-control. I had learned the power of calm: nothing is accomplished by yelling. Children do not actually hear what you say more when you yell. Your actions, though, communicate very clearly to them. By reacting with a gentle response, they could tell that this was serious… and I didn’t have to ruin the relationship in the process.
Have I had situations that I blew up at them? Yes, for sure. But the point is God has used parenting as a gift towards my sanctification. I am more like Jesus today, developing the fruit of the Spirit, than I was before I became a mom. God is at work in me, and He has used my children as one of the greatest tools to do that.
5. Dependence on God
“I need Thee, oh I need Thee. Every hour I need Thee.” There are days that the words to this old hymn have run out in my heart more that others. Some days I have a page full of things that I need to do and not enough time or energy to get them all done, let alone minister to the children and make dinner and encourage my husband. Parenting makes us recognize very early on that we cannot carry out our jobs without a full dependence on God. He is our Strength when we are weak from illness or postpartum (Psalm 46:1). He is our Comfort when the baby continues to cry and I just want to cry with her (2 Cor 1:3-4). God is our shield to protect us from the fiery darts of discouragement from Satan our enemy (Psalm 18:2).
The list of who God is could go on and on. We need to cling to Him and depend on Him for everything that we need — each individual day, each hour, and each minute. Some of the days when my children were small were glorious. I thought I had everything figured out. I was the best mom on the block… in the city… in the state. But then there were “those days”. I felt that I couldn’t manage. I was discouraged. God needed to give me the courage and wisdom for rocky days, hard situations, and terribly disobedient kids. Would they ever turn into a blessing? Was this all worth it?
Parenting sanctified me in a way that I never thought possible, and it has shown me that my full dependence for my salvation and for everyday is in Him and Him alone.
6. Kindness/Compassion
Do your kids have invisible “boo-boos” like my kids do? They come to me with tears in their eyes, needing a band aid for a cut that I can’t even see. It is in moments like these I must choose my response rather carefully. Most of the time my children just wanted to be comforted by mommy — snuggled on the couch and given some special attention. It was never about the “ouchy”. It was about an emotional need, one that needed to be met with the kindness and compassion of mom.
There were times that I missed it, though. I dismissed the “boo-boo” and told them to go play because I couldn’t see any problem. I was too busy to be bothered with something that was non-existent. The problem was that my child’s trouble wasn’t non-existent. It just wasn’t visible. In these situations, God was calling me to grow in my compassion and kindness. He wanted me to emotional connect with my child — not to dismiss their problems but to take the time to investigate and invest in their well being. Parenting as sanctified me by creating in me a bigger heart of compassion — one more like Jesus’.
7. Peace
When I first became a mom I wanted to do everything correctly. I got all of the books that you were supposed to get. I did the research. Going to the store, I bought the things that I was supposed to eat and took the best prenatal vitamins that I could get. I was worried. What if something goes wrong? What if I am not a good mother? How am I going to know what to do? I was worried, and I could find myself getting worked up about a variety of “what ifs” which were not really ever going to happen. That worry had a chance to exchange the joy of the situation into anxiety if I let it. What I needed to learn was parenting was God’s gift of sanctification, and God was using this experience to teach me peace.
Peace is a choice. John 14:27 reads, “ Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” Did you catch the last part? Jesus is instructing us to “not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” That mean that we have something to do about it. We make a decision that in this situation we are not going to be afraid or worried. We will let the peace of Christ rule in our hearts and minds. Choose Trust. Choose Peace in Christ.
I still struggle with peace because my flesh wants to worry. I want to think that I have it all together, but I don’t. Choosing to worry says, “This problem is too big and I won’t be able to handle it.” Worry focuses on me and my abilities. While peace says, “This problem is big, but I know my God is able to handle it. He will be with me through it, strengthening me all the way.” Peace focuses on God and His abilities. I have to daily choose peace above worry. It’s actually a command from Jesus to not let our hearts go there.
As moms we love our children more that we can ever imagine, but we must not hold so tightly to them that we disobey God. We must choose peace and joy by letting go and giving our children to God. That brings freedom and trust because they are in the perfect hands of Jesus. We never want our worry projected onto our kids… so we must trust God in each and every situation and have peace. I still may not do that perfectly, but God isn’t done sanctifying me.
How has parenting been God’s gift of sanctification in your own life? Please let us know in the comments below.
Do you want to know more about becoming a Biblically Minded Family? CLICK HERE to find out more and read about the EIGHT characteristics of a Biblically Minded Family.
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